Oh, figs, glorious fruit.  Did I mention that eating figs and learning to cook with them was the capstone of my year in Berkeley?  They were on every menu, usually swaddled in prosciutto or paired with blue cheese. Note to restaurants: stop using the term “bleu” cheese.  It does not make your bar snacks any fancier.  If I want fancy, I will go to Per Se, not Gordon Biersch. And yeah, you saw that right, those were potato chips on the menu, topped with “bleu” cheese.  And by the way, I can’t actually afford Per Se.  I thought my kids would fall head over heels in love with figs like I did.  And then the damn thing wasn’t ripe enough.  

ME: So guys, this one is called a……..

LAUREN: A pumpkin?

SAM: A pumpkin?

SAM: Orange?

SAM: Banana?

ME: It’s called a fig!

SAM: Figs look like this (holding it up)

ME: What does it look like?

SAM: It looks like a mandarin orange.

LAUREN: I have lots of descriptions.  When you hold it upside down it looks like a hot air balloon.  And when you tip it over like this (holding sideways), it looks like a thin pumpkin.

ME: Did you guys feel it?


EMMA: Elmo did it.

SAM: It looks like a volcano.

ME: Let me cut it open and you can see the inside.

ME: What does it look like?

SAM: Tomato.

ME: It does look like a tomato with all the seeds in it.

EMMA: Snuggle!

ME: Lauren, what do you think?

LAUREN: I think it looks like a mouth with a lot of red teeth.

ME: Sam, you want to smell it?

SAM: No.

ME: I think it smells really bright and fresh.

LAUREN: I think it smells like broccoli.

EMMA: Uh bokky (broccoli).

ME: Let’s taste it!

ME: Hm, this one doesn’t taste too ripe.  It’s a little dry, normally they’re a little jammier.

ME: So what do you think?

LAUREN: I don’t like it.

ME: You can’t just say you don’t like it.  You have to have a reason.

LAUREN: It tastes like strawberries.

ME: Why don’t you like it?  You like strawberries.

LAUREN: It’s a too sweet strawberry.

ME: What reminds you of a strawberry?

LAUREN: The teeth.

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