Man, I need a vacation. I’m winded. Hosting a birthday party for six year olds isn’t for the faint of heart. Birthday parties are a blast, but they’re high energy. And this year I had a few wrenches thrown into the mix to make things even more chaotic.

Starting with the cupcakes.

Lauren asked to have a cupcake decorating party this year. No big deal, I prepared the week before. I baked a few trays of mini cupcakes, and popped them in the freezer.

The day of the party, I took them out of the freezer, and let them defrost in the kitchen. I pushed them to the back of the counter and off I went to finish up some Christmas shopping.

I got back to an apartment that looked like it had been ransacked by a mob of hungry thieves. Kitchen a mess, sofa cushion shredded. And a full tray of cupcakes + their wrappers had disappeared.

Only one man was to blame:


Look at that face. Guilty, nauseous. He’d snuck back to my bedroom to camouflage himself in an attempt to hide from me. Apparently he’s learned a thing or two from the Amazonian tree frogs.

Upon inspection of the main room, I was happy to find that he’d eaten some cupcakes, and buried others between the couch cushions and had crumbled them to pieces trying to retrieve them from the cracks. In case you were wondering, that doesn’t make a mess at all.

Fortunately I’d made enough cupcakes to feed a small army, so I vacuumed, frosted the remaining bunch and set them up on the table, just in time for our guests to arrive.

I don’t know why I bothered cleaning in the first place. If you’ve ever hosted a birthday party for a crew of elementary school kids you’ll know why. It was messy again 3.2 seconds after they arrived.


But they had a ball. Cupcakes were frosted and bedazzled to their hearts’ content.


I should know from experience that young attention spans are particularly limited. Off they went to the next activity, scissoring and coloring their way through our stack of school supplies.

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When that was done, Rodney kicked off a dance party by breaking out his signature Macarena moves. Which is one of the reasons I married him, no joke, he’s got a talent for it. Just look at those hips swaying. German precision at its finest.


But the best part of the party was seeing Lauren enjoy herself. I could tell that she felt like a million bucks in her sparkly new outfit picked just for the occasion.

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And after sketching out her ideal cake, she was thrilled that I’d delivered the goods: a pink-frosted cake with a white chocolate heart and crushed peppermint candies.

And what could be more fun than breaking apart the gingerbread house? Chief tools of destruction included a few sets of hands and my wine opener, which was heisted as I cracked open a bottle of red. To those who are unsure of the rule, drinking at kids’ birthday parties is 100% legal. At least in my house, which is why it’s my preferred venue.

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After two very long but fun hours, the revelers headed home. Rodney and I quickly cleaned  and then melted into the couch while Lauren opened her remaining birthday gifts.

But the birthday celebration didn’t end there. To celebrate her actual birthday on Saturday, we headed out for a girls’ session at the nail salon. Lauren insisted on wearing her birthday outfit once again.

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And sure enough, Jackson, eager to make his mark as a bad dog this weekend, hopped  up on the couch after stepping in some kind of street goo.


To be fair, there are no bad dogs, only bad parents. I will take total ownership of the fact that I let him snuggle with me on the couch. Poor guy doesn’t know when he has dirty feet. And while I did lose a bit of my sanity this weekend, Lauren came out on top with some pretty spectacular birthday memories.

Hope everyone had a wonderful week, and for those of you celebrating tomorrow, Merry Christmas.

A special thank you to FabKids for providing Lauren with her super sweet birthday outfit. If you want to learn more about FabKids, started by Christina Applegate & a team of fellow moms, check out their website at

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