The selfie

Warning, you’re about to see many pictures of me in a faux fur hat. If you’re not interested in seeing this since you hate a) selfies or b) fur hats, feel free to ignore this post and move right along to more intellectually stimulating conversation about Thanksgiving and its history. It’s not boring, I promise you. I limited the history part to one short paragraph, and I can guarantee that you didn’t already know what I uncovered in my research.

Back to the hat. I hate taking selfies, but if it weren’t for selfies, nobody on this planet would know what I look like. My husband doesn’t walk around with his iPhone yelling “Hold on, the light is fantastic! I just need to take a quick picture of you.” My kids don’t say “Wait – Mom- can you make that silly face again?” No, it’s just me, art directing like a maniac, “Sam, stand against this wall, that Mohawk is awesome!” [click] “Emma, show me your bucket of beer, is that yours?” [click] [click].

So yes, sometimes a selfie is necessary. Take for instance the hat that I wore to a skating event in Bryant Park. If you’re in NYC anytime soon, it’s worth checking out the Winter Village, they have a ton of quirky food vendors, and the mother of all skating rinks:

  It’s the type of setting where this  happens:

It goes without saying that I had to dress in some serious winter gear before I set foot on the ice. So I dug around in my closet and found my gigantic faux fur hat. It’s spectacular. So much fur, it’s like a Persian cat fell asleep on my head. Or I’d borrowed the top of Rod Stewart’s head.

By the way, the orange faux tan you see in this picture is the result of photo editing. My picture, not his. I wanted to look a little bit more like my twin to show off the uncanny hair resemblance. To set the record straight, I’m more Edward Scissorhands than Paris Hilton come wintertime. Here, see for yourself, some of my outtakes.

The many faces of selfie: 1. Embarrassed to be taking a selfie and trying to get it over with as quickly as possible. 2. Trying to commit to a theme – am I smiling? Am I serious? Let’s just do both. 3. Showing off the end of my hat, which looks like a dead guinea pig attached to a rope. 4. Getting shown up by my dog who knows a thing or two about posing, just look at that posture. It was when I was sitting on the bench, snapping away, that an elderly lady walked up. She asked to sit down next to me, smiled, and showed me that she had no teeth. Thanks to my rampant selfies, the whole thing was caught on tape:

Even Jack was a little concerned. But I’m more than happy to share my bench, I’m an equal opportunity bench-sitter. We even had a nice chat. She told me about her dearly departed Doberman, and spoke so lovingly about dogs that I felt I’d found a kindered spirit. A true dog lover, like me. She asked if she could take my picture with Jackson.

Hmmm….I don’t like the idea of handing my phone over to strangers, let alone toothless strangers, but she seemed harmless enough. And I felt like I was sharing a happy moment with another human being. I passed her the phone and she surprised me by starting to art direct the scene – “here, sit like this, with the dog over there. That’s great, now just rest your arm on him like that, look over here.”

I was starting to think that maybe I was dealing with some kind of legendary New York photog who had somehow fallen into tough times. Or maybe she’d just forgotten her dentures at home and would be mortified when she finally saw herself in a mirror. I had no way of knowing.

Until this happened:

“Did I get a good one?” she asked as she passed the phone back to me.

“Yes,” I answered “it’s perfect.”

Lesson learned: don’t take selfies. Especially in public. You never know what can happen and you could even lose your phone to a crazy person on the street. Don’t say I didn’t warn you… Enjoy your week everyone.