My husband likes to walk the dog, or anywhere really, with a beer in his hand. I mean honestly, do you really need to show off that you can’t leave home without a drink? While we were walking, my bottle of vodka was neatly tucked away in a chevron-patterened lunch bag, which goes to show that you can still look cute while engaging in inappropriate drinking behaviors.
Can we talk about style? Because it’s important. Just because I’m a mother doesn’t mean that I can walk around in jeans with holes or wear sweatpants all day. Food-stained shirts, you get the drift.
But it just so happens that I’ve made all of these style mistakes recently. This week. And last week. And the week before that. So I’ve decided to up my game in the style department because this is a Code Red emergency situation. Just take a look, please forgive me:
I walked into a Brooks Brothers store to help Rodney buy a new suit. What did I choose to wear? My jeans with holes in them of course. The old fogies paroling the suit lounge were staring down their liver-spotted noses as I brushed past the Autumnal knit collections, a blaze of evergreen and burnt orange. They definitely thought I was going to steal something, which is not a good feeling, especially when you’re pushing 40.
Later that week, after putting on my shredded college sweatpants , I snapped. I just couldn’t take it anymore. I forewent (?) forgoed (?) What is the past tense of forego? Google tells me that it is in fact forewent, but that word looks weird. Let me retry this sentence: I decided to forego my lunch and ran straight over to Lululemon, where I buckled and spent $80 (the horror!) on a pair of herringbone tights. But they’re my new favorites, and I’ve worn them every day since….Proving my theory that sometimes it makes sense to spend a little extra $ on something that makes you feel great.
But I don’t know how I’m going to get around the stained shirt issue. I mean, how is it possible to keep stains away when you have this type of thing going on? Here I am, dressed to impress in my best polka dots, and I ended up with a big dairy stain down the front of my shirt. Which, once the ice cream cones disappeared, made it look like I’m still breasfeeding my 5-year old and had a leakage mishap.
Making matters worse, my family has their own sense of style, which is not always in sync with my finely-tuned aesthetic. Emma gets her hair tips from the movie “Something about Mary”, she’s a huge Cameron Diaz fan. Here, the “hair gel” is blueberry yogurt.
Sadly, our kids also suffer from style missteps. Here we have my oldest daughter on a perfectly sunny 70 degree day, choosing to wear the furry bear hat that Santa brought her for Christmas last year.
Which, also sadly, has a profound effect on the other, younger, more easily influenced kids in our household.
You might be thinking, “at least your son is well-dressed!” But no, not even him! This was his school outfit on Thursday: his sister’s capris. Rolled up, Italian style. He looks like a Venetian Gondolier visiting his friend at Penn State. I’m giving Sam a pass on this outfit because his attempt to break into the ATM suggests that he may become a computer genius and create an app that makes millions and allows me to retire to the Bahamas in my early 50s.
What can you do. Faced with so many style-related transgressions, I knew that I had to fight fire with fire. So I did what any self-respecting Mom would do: I got myself a new pair of naughty librarian glasses….
And brought a snippet of my dog’s fur to my hairdresser, asking him to match the color EXACTLY. I love my new look, don’t you? I’ve noticed that with a few simple changes, it’s easy to regain your confidence. Now if only I could get the rest of my family on board. Stay tuned for an upcoming Wordless Wednesday where I share my plan for whipping them into shape. Enjoy your week everyone!